Aye Papi!

He's back. He's back! JB's back!!! Sigh. Well, J will be happy as my beatings have begun again...seemingly, for nothing. In fact, this particular smacking was, in some way--though I am still perplexed as to how he weasled this one--for giving him a Barcelona lap dance.

No, it's just a lap dance with extra wiggles and poorly translated Spanish taunting, like this:

Deseo aspirarle: I want to suck you.
Quisiera que usted llenara mi culo de su verga magnífico, guapo: I want you to fill my ass with your gorgeous dick, handsome.
Te quiero venirse en mi cara: I want you to cum on my face.

Now, to be fair, these are very rough translations, as I took a mere four years of Spanish in high school. I can only talk to children, aged five and below, with any sort of fluency...and their parents generally frown on me testing my seductive phraseology on them...so, forgive me. Good intentions and all. Wink.

But, sweet right? No. JB is never fair. Somehow, I ended up getting both a metal hairbrush and a cane to my aching tush. Where's the justice in society? If I could get away with it, I would totally say his negative reinforcement taught me that lap dances were dirty and evil and not to be performed on, near, or within his eyeline. But, he knows me too well. Sigh. Since when has dirty ever stopped me?

It might have been an employable excuse in the future but, alas...he made me come up with something to apologize for after every five strokes with the cane. I was doing fine. Until the last set when I couldn't think of anything and ended up apologizing for the fact that he had overpaid for the lap dance. Cute? No. He was nonplussed. I had to beg him not to beat me in front of my friends. So, now I have to be good. For real. How humiliating would that be? He'd do it, too. Fucking bugger.

Heh, heh...kidding of course, Sir.

Oh, while on the subject of swoon-worthiness...B is a big, meaty guy. In fact, one of the most attractive of his many attractive qualities, is the fact that his own mother thinks he looks scary. So, when I was picking him up today, he had to help a coworker push/start his car. He just told the guy to get in, and shoved it--instantly--to moving. I've never push/started a car and he swears it's no big deal, momentum and shit...but it's fucking neato watching him handle this sedan like a shopping cart. Blush.