A Day at the Beach

I went to the beach today...saw a bunch of my colleagues in their bathing suits. What a trip! Allow me to elaborate:

Um, PE guy: More body hair (gray back hair) than I imagined, but nice abs for a guy in his 50s.

Humanities guy: You should never go from daily three-piece suits to a snugly-skimpy pair of shorts; it's just jarring. Plus, he's got those eyes that never focus on you...you know, sometimes there's the one that does, but him...neither.

Secretary: Ew. Built like a boy with these rock hard abs and no curve whatsoever. And the way she walks is so jerky; chest first (with no chest to speak of). It seems okay, but she's mid-50s too and has skin like cheap beef jerky. Shudder.

English guy: Too small for me, but Abercrombie all the way. All American blondie with blue eyes and rides a motorcycle.

Oo, the History guy: That made me nearly pee my pants!!! He's so unnecessarily ripped. He has this teeny body with hee-uge muscles EVERYWHERE. He rubbed himself down like fifteen different times...it looked like a cheesy Fireman calender. And this is a school function! He's got that swayback thing going on too, where he looks like Pan (the half man-half goat), but laquered in tanning oil.

The rest of us had the forethought to keep our nudity to ourselves, as it's just too much for the children. I get too many breast-level hugs as it is. My boss didn't go. Total workaholic...but then, I already feel like I could draw his junk from memory. Haven't been able to repress those images yet. Where's my hammer?

Oh, Christ, don't get me started on the kids! Lemme just say, lots of breasts...and we only had six girl students with us. Teenagers are so gawkward (okay, it's not a real word, but it seems to fit).

At least this year, my food wasn't frozen and raw in the middle.