My Would-Be Summer Job

I've been writing all this serious shit, lately. So, how about something divergent?

Hmm. Oo, I've got it!

I was recently going through old files and I found this. A couple of years back, I was looking for a summer job...just something simple, a kick-back job with little responsibility. It would have to leave my nights open for fun and pay minimum wage. I applied to a bunch of places, but the ice cream shop made me fill out this, like, essay. Something about why you'd make a good employee or whatever. Here's what I wrote:

Well, I suppose the most diplomatic answer would be to help sell a product that I believe in and use myself—and that’s all true. But I think that there is a more precise reason for my application to the store. Follow me on this. I have discovered that I have a slightly higher core body temperature than most people. I get warm really quickly. So, I ask myself, ‘Where might I find an occupation that best suits my temperature comfort level?’ Why an ice creamery of course! And there you have it.

So you understand why I would like to work for you; let me explain why you would like me to work for you. I think that the most dominant reason would be my external impression. I am a very outgoing and imaginative person (who hates people--especially customers). I establish relationships with people easily and, in the business of repeat business, this quality is especially beneficial (read: they'll be back to complain). Secondly, and on a more “working employee level,” I am a loyal, hard-worker who takes direction well. (Total bullshit, but you have to lure them in somehow.) I am dedicated to learning how to scoop the perfect ice cream sphere and handle even the most fragile of cones. (This part is true. I am commited, anal...what have you.)

So, in summary, this can easily be a win-win situation. While enjoying a more refrigerated climate, I will sculpt fantastic cones that wow!

Suffice to say, lola did not get the job. Something about smart-ass comments and insubordination. It seemed I would not take their business seriously. Oh well. I made a ton more money in the medical office that did think I was serious enough. Heh heh. What they don't know...