School House Sucks
Gahhhd, work blows.
I know most of you have jobs like, working the 9-5er in some shitty cubicle fifty weeks out of the year, and I truly feel like an asshole complaining...but fuck you all. I work hard (most of the time) for my salary (which is basically dick) with the children (of RICH people). So, summer vacation is over and now it's back to that fucking Bastille. Sigh.
I know what you're thinking: You work with children?
Oh, yes. And quite possibly...your children. And if you think I won't fuck 'um up because of some sense of moralistic integrity--you are very, very wrong. There is no low I won't stoop to in order to teach your children that this world is an untrustworthy, spiteful place that can-and-will fuck them over when they're most vunerable. But, when their trustfunds run out and they have to get 'real jobs' at Daddy's corporate office, they'll know...at least Ms. Lane never lied to me.
Yes kiddies! Strive hard for mediocrity. You may indeed surprise yourselves, but you'll rarely be disappointed.
And another thing...if you are a dude in a position of power: think--I mean really think--about the snugness of your trousers around the area. I spent the entire afternoon staring at my boss's swaddled junkage. I think I'm going to be sick.
posted by macaroon at 3:19 PM
7 Comments:
Lola, I cannot wait to become a member of the working world. You paint such an inviting picture.
...your boss's swaddled junkage. Man, you had me ROTFL. Work sucks. Being grown up with grown up bills suck. Otherwise I'd be a bum!
What do you do? I thought you were a Dominatrix or something and I've been SO bad too. :(
Just kidding, I rather be the spanker that the spankee.
You were FORCED to look at his package? I don't understand.
Also, are you related to Lois or "Night Train" Lane?
Oh, Christ, no. Not a Dominatrix...a submissive, despite my smartmouth and total attitude. And I teach...high school. Though, now, more middle school...I like the fact that they are so deliciously unjaded and defenseless, but the amount of pokemon talk is really unbearable.
And yes. Forced. He was directly across from me and I was avoiding eye contact (read: participation).
Lois is my twin sister...and yes, we have experimented with each other. Hee hee.
HL...welcome to the working world. You have to learn early to make it amusing for yourself. Generally accepted ways:
1. Fucking with the customer.
2. Fucking with your coworkers.
3. Fucking with your boss.
The last is only recommended when you've mastered the first two.
Joanne, thanks! I'd be a bum too, but I have a general fear and loathing of the homeless. Plus, they give me bagels in the mornings on Monday. So, that's cool.
OK, where the HELL were to HOT young teachers with blue hair that liked to be spanked when I was in schooL?
It's not phuc-n fair I tell you!!
This is bullshit.
These kids today ARE spoilt rotten.
I want to make one thing clear. Can I rant for a sec? When I send my kids off to school, I really expect teacher involvement. Sure, there are people who might hold fast to the old ways, and say "I want to fuck my kids up just like my parents fucked me up, and their parents fucked them up," but I feel it's important for the teacher to play an equal role in fucking kids up. Honestly.
I want my kids' teachers to ridicule and patronize them, make them stand in a corner and wear a duncecap at every opportunity. I am all for the idea of mainstreaming, because if I have a child who is just a little developmentally or emotionally disabled, I want that child to be the butt of other normal childrens' jokes. To put it bluntly, if I show up for an unannounced visit to my child's school, and he/she doesn't have a "kick me" sign taped to his/her back, I'm going to be royally pissed. They've got to learn life's hard lessons somewhere, right?
I could easily fuck my kids up on my own...it's in my heritage. I'm part German (they fucked Europe up--twice!), I'm part Welsh (they speak one fucked up language), part English (their teeth? Fucked up!) and part Irish (the word in Esperanto for "Fucked up" is Irish). But instead, I'd like to have a teacher who is an equal partner in fucking up a child. Did you ever read that Hillary Clinton book, "It takes a village..."? Well, I hold firmly to the belief that it takes a village to fuck up a child, as well.
As for trust funds...I'd rather my child spend that money on therapy, undoing everything that has been done to him/her, rather than fucking themselves up on heroin at some later date. Besides, therapy is just as addictive, and only half as destructive as heroin. And it costs less.
Okay. That's all I'm saying.
Well, morgan...consider your money well-spent then. I'm doing permanent, irreversible damage everyday.
I would not consider myself to have fulfilled my educational goals if each and everyone of my students were not emotionally and intellectually crippled beyond repair by the time I am done with them.
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