Everything's Okay

Perhaps I am overanalyzing everthing. I think there is something here, so I am going to post a bit of this conversation so I can revist it later. I am in the middle of making many descisions. B and I are coming to some choices, some definitive lines in the sand. I am on edge a lot lately, but it's in a secret place...a place I am keeping everyone else out of, but at the same time sucking them into, inadvertantly. I need to reorganize a bit. Figure out where I trust and why, how and who. Am I babbling?

You seeing anyone currently?
I am seeing someone. Why do you ask if I'm seeing someone? I doubt you want to know.
Why don't I want to know?
I just don't think you do.
Mm, I don't want details, just was curious about your social affairs.
Wow. Is that the time? It's far past your bedtime, young lady.
I haven't got a bed time tonight…and very smooth. I'm not going to pry.
I don't mind you prying.
I don't want any more information.
Just when you've asked before, I got the sense you wished you hadn’t.
Mm. Whatever you think, Sir.
lola smiles.
You are beautiful, little one.
Sure sure.
Sir smiles.
You should sleep.
You are. Don't push me away.
I'm not.
I'll go when I need to….
You said yourself it's late.
For you.
You're tired.
What are you going to do now?
Don't worry about me.
Hmm. I do though.
Mm, no need...I'm fine. I'll watch television and fuck around.
You shouldn't go too late.
No worries. I'm fine and you don't have to worry.
Your little “everything’s okay” phrases…um hmm. Don't believe you.
You won't have to deal with any grumpiness tomorrow.
I'm not worried about that.
Whatever you think, Sir.
Anything on your mind?
Nope.
Sir looks at lola.
Really?
Really.
Um hmm.

I was surprised to learn that someone would think of me as having 'hidden caring'. I thought that my emotions were pretty superficial, in terms of depth. Mm, well at least where affection is concerned. Isn't it funny how differently we perceive ourselves? I am beginning to watch the layers that MrHand once said I have, build. Isn't this a step backward? I really thought I was simple. How did I become this girl? This girl that can't share and can't demand for herself? The reality is clear but so unfamiliar.