Shh.

Everything's fine.

That means something different for me.

I am torn between two people's needs and I know that I am losing. I can't say what I want to say; I can't do what I want to do. I can't think for me right now and before, before when I was asleep, that was okay. But I am aware of needing to be awake. I was trying to be awake. And so, it's no longer okay.

It just makes things harder, makes me more conflicted. And I have always hated conflict. To live trapped in what you hate is so exhausting. I am exhausted. I am hiding.

Everything's fine.