Dear Sir

Been seeing some similar themes with fellow submissives lately, particularly randi's Public Apology and poiesia's Little Match Girl. I had a long conversation with JB Sir the other evening and I realized that I am not trying hard enough anymore. I have to make changes. But first, I have to make him understand that I am prepared to be a good girl:

Thomas Eakins, Study of a Seated
Nude Woman Wearing Mask, c. 1865-66

Dear Sir,

I was thinking a lot about what you said last night. If I want to do this, and do it the right way, really be the submissive I know I can be and the submissive I know you want me to be, I have to start lowering myself. I will try to keep all my justifications out of this letter, except to say that, it proves harder to reduce myself than I would like. I feel like, in many cases, it is second nature to submit, to give power and control over to someone I trust. Conversely, many times, I feel myself outwardly fighting it, but inside, really wanting to be owned, to be responsible to. I know that I sound insincere when I apologize--in part, because I do it so automatically when I know that you are right. I know that you perceive it as a smartass, martyr tone, but in actuality, I think that I really feel your disapproval, Sir, and it is upsetting to me. I go too far and then I can only apologize, and it's not always enough.

I realize that your rules are two-fold; on one hand, you are trying to see that I am cared for and reaching my potential as a person, and on the other hand, you have to establish boundaries and parameters in which you make decisions and I unreservedly obey. I know that you want me to be happy; I know that you want to spend time with me. I know that it's not so hard to manipulate you on both these counts, and I do it, more often than I should. Well, technically speaking, I should not manipulate you at all, but I will never be a girl of no resistance. I am willful, stubborn, and shamelessly disobedient, but I am not without remorse, Sir. I want you to draw lines in the sand. I want you to say no and mean it. I want you to be my tether, my bridle, my rock, and my endgame.

That you have given up on attempting to enforce rules makes me anxious; I don't want to be too much. I never, in my life, wanted to be someone's 'too much.' In fact, much of my personality was shaped around being invisible, acquiescent, obliging. I test you because I haven't been able to do that in the past. You've said: "No matter what happens, I'll always be your Sir. Understand?" I want to know that is true. It is not a question of believing you, because I do. I just want reminders. I want to fuck up and know that you can be upset, that I can upset you, that I am important enough that no matter what happens, you will be constant and steady, reaffirming your position, your expectations, and your perseverance. In return, I can and will be able to give myself, without fear and without defiance. I want to be whole, Sir.

And so, I truly do want to complete the tasks that you have ascribed me. I want to be obedient, submissive, respectful and kind. I want to be responsible, accountable, and beholden. I will keep track of my language. I will refer to you respectfully. I will go to bed and follow my (sigh, I feel like such a child) schedule of inhalers closely. I will be on time. I will be obedient. I will do what I am told when I am told. I will put forth effort and work beyond my normal level of effectiveness. I want to be a good girl. Ahh, the refrain of the sub masses. But I mean it, Sir. I really do.

Yours.