E-Mud Wrestling Pt. 3

Part 3: A's return email to Lola

Okay, first of all, not that it's any of your business (well, nooo...but you'll make it mine shortly), but J and I decided that we both really care about each other (as friends) and were planning on keeping a friendship. (And just for the record, J was NOT one of my "many one night stands." He said he was "fascinated" with me (yeah, fascinated being the operative word...think monkey in a cage) etc etc, (he said everything I wanted to hear (yeah, remember that I told him what she wanted to hear)) so he came over. We had what seemed like a nice time...lots of hugs, and sweetness, and then when I returned his message the next day, he talked to me and then out of the blue (most likely, not so much "out of the blue"), he hung up on me?

So, yeah I was persistent. I was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on--if he was mad at me etc etc (I take it back...my 'etc' was not nearly this ridiculous). But, in NO WAY was I "stalking" him, and the fact that YOU come to me and tell me all this shit about how J says I'm "stalking" him makes me feel like we've regressed back to grade school (Grade school? You getting a picture of what 'grade school' would have been like for A and her peers? "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!?"...yeah, still a bitch.) It's fucking ridiculous and I wish J was just some stranger that I met off the internet rahter than being part of your gossipy cirlce. It's disgusting.

Second of all (this is going to be a looong email if we're only at 'second of all'), you spend very little time or energy concerning yourself with my problems (Okay--hold the phone! Here, I'm steamed...can I just say *cough* multiple prenancy scares *cough* morning after pills *cough* psychotic strangers in her house *cough* her desire to date rape all of my friends *cough* hundreds of panicked phone calls *cough* break ups *cough* makeups...Jesus, I think 'etc etc' is in order. Appalled. Simply appalled at her obvious lifetime black outs.); I've had accquaintences that cared more about my life. You are only my "friend" (when you want a ride? when you want to copy my homework? when you want me to buy you dinner? when you want to camp out at my house forever?) when it's convenient for you, and most of the time, you're nitpicking my flaws or insulting me (technically, it's a 'good portion of', not 'most of the' time) in front of other people (both of which I can do without).

You are one of the most judgemental people I have ever known and somehow think you have the right to judge me. You know VERY little about my life, Lola...all you know is the bits and pieces I've come to you about when I'm upset (which I should never have done...I know that now (fuck, where was the enlightenment fairy for the two years I've been begging her to leave me out of shit?)...that was a BIG mistake on my part) because with what you DO know about me, and what you THINK you know about me, you've created this person that I am NOT. This is a troubled person with all these misconceptions on life that you think you can look down upon (Note: Lives in an apartment that Mommy pays for, without a job, unable to pass the single art class that she is taking because she won't take the bus six stops to school ONE DAY A WEEK...shall I go on?).

So, in the end, you end up feeling better about yourself...99% of what oyu said about me in that letter...who you THINK I am, is totally and completely wrong (Oh, and another thing, I was very faded when I said the GAP commercial thing two years ago, so you can drop it (lies...all lies...not even remotely high) and stop holding it above my head as yet another thing you use to make me look lower than you.).

If you have good intentions, Lola, and you want to be a TRUE friend (I don't...honestly, she just won't stop calling me...what a sucker I am), you'll stop treating me so inferior and using me to boost your own ego. You, my dear, should not be judging anybody.