Happy Birthday L!

Last night, I was drunk.

bashed, befuddled, boozed up, buzzed, canned, crocked, flushed, flying, fuddled, gassed, glazed, groggy, hammered, high, hosed, in orbit, inebriated, jolly, jugged, juiced, laced, liquored up, lit, lush, merry, muddled, oiled, on a bun, overcome, pie-eyed, pissed, plastered, plowed, potted, seeing double, sloshed, soaked, sotted, soused, stewed, stoned, tanked, tight, tipsy, totaled, wasted, zonked

(How was that for a little Martha Rosler moment, inspired by The Bowery in Two Inadequate Descriptive Systems?)

It was good, too. I'm not a smart lush, you see, but last night I drank the perfect amount. It's the stumble when you walk, but never actually hit the ground drunk. The molested by your friends, but no regrets in the morning drunk. The fall asleep in someone else's bed, but get up an hour later, clothes still in all the right places, and successfully drive yourself the three blocks home--past a police car--while fiddling with your phone--no hassles drunk. The delightfully slutty, but no one saw nip, peep-showin' drunk. The massively hungover, but not one instance of puking, nor nearly puking, drunk. The taking shoes off and putting them in the closet before passing out drunk. Yeah, I'd like to see a party girl handle that one!

In short, what a good girl am I? Indeed, baby. Last night was a good night. On a bun?