Reassessment

Sir: "Shut. Up. You really don't know when to hush, do you?"

I know I've said it before, but I really did intend to behave myself...to be obedient, to shut my big fat mouth. I meant to be a good girl. I really wanted to please. So, what's wrong with me?

I know when it's coming. I know I should just hang up before I dig a great big hole that I can't find my way out of.

But I don't. I keep talking; I say the wretched, horrible things that ruin the evening. I hate myself in that moment. I hate not being able to fix it. He's been patient, but I can't expect patience indefinitely.

I have to lower myself; I have to respect the rules and boundaries. It's just hard.

We're not the same.
There is no fair but his fair.
I am responsible to him.