GAP undies are not penis-friendly.

Okay, so I thought I would do the second half of my post yesterday. The post where I tell yall what happened last night. Don't get excited, I was gone by 7:30. Here goes:

Right after work, we split up into who was driving who...there was a specific reason why A&F (so-called because he looks exactly like an Abercrombie and Fitch model, seriously), Japan (pretty self-explanatory considering my profession) and I all took one car. I don't like writing that reason here, since I am still terrified that one day my students will find this and I will have to flee to the mountains and live like a hermit forever. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a job where I had to be a role model. Don't get me wrong, I am the best hypocrite you'll ever meet and I stick to my lies like THC to butter (Like that JohnnyDragon? Grin.) but it means I can't just be honest. So anyway, the three of us get in my car (cause A&F prefers me to drive...first man in my life for which this applies, but I think it has a lot more to do with his paranoia than with his faith in my skillz) and we drive back through the neighborhood surrounding the school, commencing with our own activites, shall we say?

E and 31 are getting us a table at our bar. G had to go home first to "feed his cat" (insert just about any debauched activity into those quotes and you're probably closer to the truth) and would meet back up with us there. Did I mention PC yet? (Also self-explanatory as per my job.) Yeah, he's coming later, and his woman will be following him.

So, the three of us arrive late and we all crowd into the booth. By crowd, I mean 31 and I take one side with plenty of room for our purses, jackets and crap, and Japan, E, and A&F are on the other side with no extra room. E, 31, and I go for a cigarette and G appears while we're out.

So at this point, 31 turns to me and says, "Oh no. Where's G going to sit?" Yeah. With us. And in many cases this could be cool, except I know something that G doesn't know that I know. I hope he never finds this place, because I'll tell you: G kissed 31. And professed certain undying love, so to speak. Did I mention that he's 16 years older than her? (Not that that matters to her. Her whoring knows no bounds. Grin. And to be fair, our waitress carded G cause she thought he was 25. You should have seen the shock on her face...there was no hiding that.) Still unconcerned? G is married and has been for over a decade. It's all a mess now.

But we like G. A lot. These evenings would be hella boring without him, so we won't stop inviting him. So these moments happen. Shit this is getting long. Lemme fast forward.

• More pitchers.
• We joked at length about A&F's sexuality cause he looks rather homosexual, but we are all aware that he is certainly not. But our kids don't know that.
• More jokes about people we work with mostly centered around He That Moisturizes and The Baby Jesus.
• 31, E and I snuck away to the bar for shots (which E never takes cause she's allergic to alcohol...she can tell the most accurate stories of these evenings).
• E and I teamed up in secretly digging this big guy at the bar (except he was really into the basketball game, so we made up stories about how he's a gambler and thus unworthy, since she's married and I'm involved...a girl can look though, yes?).
• 31 slobbered all over her favorite bartender (interestingly enough, also married) but in her own dainty, come-hither way.
• Phone calls were made and answered.
• PC was being an ass, as usual and giving us all hella shit, but then the night ended with hugs, so all is well and he'll fix my internet later this week (read: In March sometime--maybe).
• The boys talked about their new cycling fetish. Boring!
  
• 31's beau, who I think only PC and A&F (who likes everybody...except He That Moisturizes) are able to tolerate, did NOT show up by the time I left. Must be out of town. In Mexico. Stocking up on Xanax. So that he can answer the door for his mailman. Smirk.

Damn, this is long even when I'm fastforwarding. I think that's because there was no significant moment to focus on. Which is maybe why I left at 7:30. Maybe something good--shit, I can't believe I almost forgot!!!

So, 31 was wearing this thong that had all these extra straps and they were sliding up into her ass every time she moved. She was bitching about them all day (trust me, so would I...I saw that fucker...it would have lived in the back of my drawer forever) so when we got to the bar, I was like, "Just take um off. No one will know."

Except, 31 and I were wearing the same miniskirts. I could tell by how much of my ass and thighs were touching the linoleum booth, that she couldn't have been happy. So, during one of our cigarette breaks, she says, "I'm going next door to the GAP and buying underwear." I volunteer to go with her, but it turns out that this store doesn't have a "GAPBody" (which means they don't sell underwear). Though, that doesn't apply to men, somehow. There was plenty of boy's undies.

31 had to settle. With a pair of turquoise boy shorts. With a stitched up penis pouch. She bought them and this other tank top. Then we were talking about how she would put it on in the parking lot. She was careful to make the cash register guy think she meant the tank top. He gave her the most horrified look and said, "Giiirl. You can change in the fitting room." She was all, "Really? You sure?" He had this weird sigh, "Yeees. We prefer it." (They have a preference? Who knew?) He continued, "You know, there might be cameras...next thing you know, you're a girl goin' wild!" And we were like, "Yeah. Heh heh. Thanks."

These underoos were hysterical. You have to understand. I don't think 31 even owns a non-thong pair of panties. This was like a fucking tablecloth for her ass. I laughed for quite a while. The best part? She turns to me during one of our pee-breaks and says, "I don't know where the penis would even go in these things."