Drugs are bad. Don't do drugs.

That's what I tell the children. (That, and "Do as I say, not as I do.")

There has been an epidemic of drug-doing cropping up at my school. Now, to be fair, they're not ALL doing drugs. Some are just talking about doing drugs, or researching them. And some are trying to grow their own.

They are so terribly uneducated.

Let's see. How to tell these stories anonymously? Okay, so there's this one kid, we'll call him Justin. He has this whore-sister (who dated another student of mine, Kramey for a while) who has sort of facilitated him selling the crappest schwag to elementary school kids (not at my school). When probed, he said that he sold oregano to them (from Cost Plus...an excellent liar) and had made $140 so far, that the money was too good to stop selling. I pointed out that he wasn't going to be getting any repeat business that way and shortly, his cash flow will dry the fuck up. He conceded the point.

Now, this kid comes up to me and tells me that another student in his grade, one SL, claimed to have $5000 worth of MJ in his closet. I know what you're thinking. But he is the fruit of a porn mogul's loins and wealthier than God, so the cash is entirely plausible. At 12, he toted the most top-of-the-line cellphone known to the public, and made sure we all knew it. But, he is a massive poser and this claim is a total lie. On 420, he came to school in his Versace shades and kept asking kids if his eyes were red. I don't doubt that he hit the bong that morning (and probably some techno-German uberbong, to boot), but it was most likely a hit of oregano. And every kid took one look at him, told him he was a douchebag, and walked away. Which is saying something since he's a bully, as well.

Anyway, this is what I hear. But I heard it from Justin, who also told me that he could get five pounds for a hundred bucks. Now, I know I'm the teacher here and a role model (you asking yourself yet why they tell me all the criminal/questionable/fucktarded things they do?), but I had to stop him right there and say that that was a full out lie. In later discussions with 31, we determined that you couldn't get five pounds of chicken for a hundred bucks. I casually mention that average cost of an eighth in the region is 50 beans.

We later discover that he thought an eighth was "the metric version of a pound." Yes! It's a special school.

Anyway, how the fuck is this kid selling drugs when he couldn't price it to save his life? This other kid had the bright idea to cut his oregano with sugar and sell it to the elementary school kids as coke. It actually took us several minutes to explain what that was the stupidest thing we'd ever heard. (Justin was supposed to sell to that kid -- btw, if we ever need to go into lockdown, this kid'll be why; psy-cho! -- but then I pointed out the pot has a tendency to silence the little voices of reason in your head, and did he really want to be responsible for what happened when the little voices stopped telling that kid not to gun us all down in a fiery blaze of terror? Point was also conceded.)

What I miss? Oh, Justin is growing a plant in his bedroom. He was excited cause after three days he had a little sprout. His plan (and if you don't know anything about growing weed, just space out a little here) was to grow it till it was a foot high and then clip it off and give it to another kid to smoke. Flawless. I clapped. I couldn't help it.

We need some fucking drug education, people! And I think that I'm not the person to ask, but some one!!

Sadly, this is about a quarter of the stories. You get the picture. This is a tradgedy.