Painful Truth
I have decided its the best explanation: Pain will make you honest.
I can't always say what I want. It's twofold, threefold maybe. I don't know what I want, don't know what I mean. I do know what I want, do know what I mean, but can't ask for it. I do know what I want, do know what I mean, but won't ask for it.
Some pain is ceremonial. It's cleansing. It completes; it documents. That pain is the most superficial. Pain as observance, as sacrament. That pain is the most beautiful.
Some pain is cathartic; it is a release. Textbook in its prognosis. It happens during, or at the end. It is for recovery and balance. It is not beautiful, but consistant and predictable, reliable.
Some pain is manifestation. I need this on the outside; I need this for the inside. I need to see. This pain is not beautiful, but rabid and sudden. This is the gouge in my skin. This is the compulsive scratching until I can see blood, tissue under my nails, a slick layer of platelets glistening along the surface, swelling. This pain is wet breaths and gritted teeth. This pain is not hidden, but it can be explained. This pain is short-lived, but this pain will make you honest.
Ask me then and I can say.
I am alone. I will always be alone. That is the truth.
posted by macaroon at 4:41 PM
3 Comments:
We really do have quite a few things in common, I've been struggling with this issue...rather trying to put it out of my mind...lately.
That horrible, wonderful pain...and you're right, it does help keep one honest.
I'm still reading here every chance I get so, keep writing and I'll catch you around.
a Heath/Jake sandwich?
nothing more delicious.
;)
~jess
Damn it lola, you know who this is because my will is my power and I really don't like to hear of this self mutilation it hurts me as I know it hurts you and I don't like it but you do because it lets you know your still alive and that you can still feel...
Well, know that you will be able to feel even in the end when it is all over and there is no body left to scratch and to mame...
If you want to hurt then hurt someone emotionally so that you can see them cry and know that you did it, that you were responsible, that you don't care even if you do, so you can laugh at their pain and their sorrow and their...whatever the case you will know that you are the one on top of the things that you have conquered and that your will prevails over all...does that make sense? I hope so...I gotta go...You do what you have to do and I'm sure it will be the right thing...
When I refer to right, I mean the opposite of left, later lola...
Your will....
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